Superman climbed the Empire State Building and challenged King Kong to a fight.
King Kong said, "I don't have time. I have to catch a plane!"******************************************************
Superman, Santa Clause, and a blonde are walking along and see a dollar lying on the sidewalk.
Who picks it up first?
The blonde, because the other two don't exist!
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Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building.
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"
The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"
The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!
The second drunk says, "Let me try!"
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!
The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you're drunk!"
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"
The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"
The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!
The second drunk says, "Let me try!"
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!
The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you're drunk!"
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ONE LINERS:
Superman's been wearing that one outfit for over half a century.
1. Don't call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
2. Don't call yourself by someone else's real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.
3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
4. Don't be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.
5. But don't labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.
6. Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil
7. Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
8. It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
9. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.
10. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
11. Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady if you're a man -- even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body.
12. Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.
13. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.
- He's strong--and a little gamy, I think! Now I know why Superman left Krypton. Earth was the only place where he could get steroids! Lois Lane is Crazy about Superman. On Valentine's Day, she sends a card to the phone company! Because of his X-ray vision, Superman is unable to pass an eye test. When he looks at an eye-chart, he sees through it to a billboard in the next county! As mild-mannered Clark Kent, Superman is afraid of girls. He's worried that he'll run into the one he stole the red and blue suit from! Superman can fly across the country in ten minutes. A little longer, if he's on stand-by! Superman used to fly across the country much faster. Now he has to go by way of Atlanta! I think Superman would be cooler if he was the Man of Reinforced Plexiglass. Bullets would still bounce off, but we'd get the added bonus of seeing real superhero internal organs.
- TOP TEN Indications That Your Girlfriend Wants to Be a Superhero: 10. She is constantly humming the theme to 'Mighty Mouse.' 9. Refers to her apartment as the 'Bat Cave.' 8. Keeps putting you down with, 'That's not the way Iron Man would do it.' 7. Has two spearguns welded to the front of her AMC Pacer. 6. Always says, 'I'll be back,' before going to the can. 5. Studies cybernetics in spare time because, 'You have to think like the enemy.' 4. She owns two copies of Leonard Part VI. 3. Mutters 'One shot, one kill,' with each belt of Jack Daniels. 2. Enjoys giving 'mortals' tour of her sword collection. And the Number One Indication That Your Girlfriend Wants To Be A Supperhero Or Action Type... 1. Every Thanksgiving, snaps the turkey's neck, smiles at you and says, 'Chefs do that!' ***************************************************
1. Don't call yourself by your real name, e.g. Ms. Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster.
2. Don't call yourself by someone else's real name, e.g. Mr. Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin.
3. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess, e.g. Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman.
4. Don't be too modest, e.g. Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-So, Fairly Incredibleman.
5. But don't labor the point, e.g. Mr. So-Powerful-Don't-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy.
6. Don't choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image, e.g. Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Evil
7. Don't choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains.
8. It's no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is self-control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It's just asking for trouble.
9. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're not.
10. Don't call yourself the Invisible Boy if you're a girl.
11. Don't call yourself the Invisible Lady if you're a man -- even if you do feel like a woman trapped in a man's body.
12. Don't give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable-to-Strontium 90.
13. Don't call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You'll confuse people.
3 comments:
Nice One...
keep sharing
:)
Good ones!!
lolz good ones.
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